i’m in love now and i know for sure now there was no way i could resist it and perhaps he’s kept me at a distance all this time because he knew i was wounded and didn’t want me to get more tangled up inside than i already was. i am so scared to place the ember in the tarnished knight but according to the course of events there is nothing to repudiate that it could have been him all along and it just had to be this way and perhaps i’m wrong but at this point there is no holding back because the harder i tried to suppress how i actually felt for this man the more confused i became and the more pain i felt when i dreamed of him and i barely remember his face but it doesn’t matter because how he makes me feel is so goddamned intense from earlobe to toetip; and from the deepest crevasses of the cold conclaves of my heart where i have been cruel, to the most holy and innocent star-touched eves of my life, i cannot cleanse myself of the idea that this bond is real and i must connect more deeply with him.
and the more i accept that the more clearly i think and even though i cry as i accept it now because it’s SCARY AS ALL HELL because i have lost control of my heart..
i have a flashback to his voice saying.. “i’ll protect you.” it was just a game, but it makes me feel something different. even then it made me feel a twinge of something different.. a safety.