mistakes, a split facade, my heart marooned by choice for now

the beanie boy just slid right by, maybe he was too shy, or maybe it’s something else.  hunter came along, perhaps to run interference or to chase game.

my goosebumps so erect, i’m frigid. i am spitting mad that i had any hopes up, not even cheery that any other destination is possible. the apparatus of pumping my blood just wants to take a hike.

Give me a fucking break, Alice.

as you wish, life giver. i have things that say “drink me” nearby and spy something that says “eat me” in a bag as well. if neither makes me cry myself a flood, i think all will be well. but i don’t know if i can sleep tonight. i hope i sleep.. i want to dream, and not to cry. i feel defeat.

the more the hunter reaches out to me the lonelier i feel, for i disbelieve that he is of any relation to Orion and i long for the Tarnished Amour of my Knight no matter how fruitless it may be. how much better off alone could i be?

See? You know I’m right, Alice. We’re better off alone. Even to be with him, we have to be alone.

i don’t like that fucking logic one bit. bitterly, i acknowledge its truth. i think i feel the poem coming true soonish though. maybe tomorrow middream.

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