i’m so numb and unwarm. rewinded completely but not restarted. the damage is there and it won’t be forgotten. recorded and reported, but i couldn’t. defend. myself. so i leave this post early. ascending the curtain pull then sitting there, Cheshire grin. rescinding the invitation to knot three loops in the rites of root. don’t worry; it’ll take route.. i won’t be gardening til the point is superior moot.
i wrestle the voices back out of the cockpit to reclaim that gazebo on the patio for a peaceful sunning. i’m happy to be a woman adult. having outgrown infatuation for good (so i hope), yet not become an atheist.. not become a cynical cunt. do keep in mind that this is a journal, no one reads such things, nonsense. sentences broken, needn’t a heart to have the resemblance of emotions. reflections of words on a computer screen echo across to other empty beings to pretend that they exceed the meaning of serenity indeed.
i love my nights, i love my knights, i love my blights. i miss the butterflies and the mayflies alike.
i like to think that i’ll get what i want but i know there’s a lot stacked against me yet. i don’t really fret it anymore. i have to keep myself aware; though i’ve done so well, i clearly got careless.
at least jon knows, i fucking love you, jon. put up with me spouting about the fantastic winter night with a muse from the stars and sure, i can pat myself on the back, but i’m still a work in progress. i think i forgive me for revisiting that still, so i hope you do too. you’re the best.
bouncing back out of arizona to kansas today.