uhmmmmm. (Please forgive me.)

I really did want to get my devices hooked up, but sometimes a girl just gotta get her vices turnt up..

Woke up with a charliehorse in the leg, which I don’t think has ever happened to me in El Paso before.

Fortunately, today’s the day!….psych. I am going to the goddamned Radio shack alone or with dad for all I know, I need a coax splitter and another power cable.. If you think a blistering storm of a woman who hates shopping in a retail store cause ain’t nobody got time for that shit and El Paso don’t run on New York minutes..

Try picturing a 5’1″ half-filipina that is as voluptuous as sin itself, multitasking with the might of God on High to self install all of these things with no toolkit or manual:

A 32″ Smart TV (open box item! Can’t find.. The…  Power cable…  Fml#1)

Having to set up a hot spot to appease Toto so I can resume my hyper notorious technoshamaness superpowers without him being annoyed that the bandwidth upgrade that I phoned in broke the interwebz

“fuck, wish my room wasn’t so goddamned full of shit from my past whether or not it’s been laundered and I hate this carpet I love walking barefoot, OK broom, ok swiffer cloths, we got some fucking dancing to do so make like Fantasia” except of of course with 110% real life frustration that I am one mortal human woman and equipped with one pair of hands and Christ Almighty don’t know how long it’s going to be til my sweetheart is going to be here to help take this fucking load off me amd do my cleaning… 

Furthermore, he is most certainly, now that I am authorized to reveal this, that this concept is proven and exists, he is remote viewing my absolutely stunning hackerballet act through my eyes and trying to stifle his laughter so he doesn’t distract me,

I realize he wants to know why/whatfore the obscenities I am shouting and commanding in order to conduit a clean place in my previous pile of “clean fecal matter” in as minimum spent a scale of human living time as possible..

I am remembering having similar experiences with Leo and Sergey back in 2003 and getting the warm feeling in my heart knowing how we planned that exit strategy together. We are all made of stars. They knew I had power, but only them and Edward knew what level of thinking I was actually operating at, and I knew that I simply would never be able to talk to Emmanuel Goldstein again no matter what the circumstances because I didn’t have the time to worry about that.

So I am telling him the stories, explaining why which plugs are being incorrect, not fucking good enough, wrong wrong wrong, and goddammit just get a bionic dick when those “come out”

Going back and forth between the two rooms, wound up on who knows how many Symphony Orchestra instruments of fury, trying in post-haste negative seconds to have:

TV HOOKED THE FUCK UP
FLOOR FUCKING CLEARED
BED FUCKING CLEANER THAN A DECORATED BRASSES’ ASS

realizing that the cable Internet not working is a far more immediate problem than the full-on techno Sorcery display I am putting on

Taking a deep breath and recombining my brain momentum to think at earth human speed and call up a tech, this is always fun, this has always historically been fun cause techs are always dudes and I  always stun them the fuck out so this will be ez mode,

Connecting to a tech and it’s a woman who sounds like a California based Asian to me, and trying to get shit fixed as fast as possible to…

Wait.

Ma’am, I am so sorry, please let me catch my breath and slow down, it’s taking me a little bit to switch gears here.. 
(while line tests are running)
I have never in my life been connected to a female tech and especially not one who sounds as nice as you do and I feel terrible for opening up that call in Class-A bitch mode. I would personally buy you 20 drinks a month forever if I could, but I want you to understand that I am a little, short half-asian woman, and I work in the financial world and I am also a gamer and the only way anyone ever takes me seriously is by commanding all the dudes around me to be less retarded because I am also the tech expert. And I feel so terrible for having that air at first because I have so much respect for what you are doing in your job, just doing what you are doing.

She told me, “Thank you so much, ma’am, I feel so much better now.”

I told her to buy some gold once the cats in the intertubes were running imgur again, and so on. And thanked her for bearing with me and I explained to her what my last job was like and I have no idea what is going on with her but if who I am and who I was in that moment inspires her to kick the asses of men who misunderestimate her because she is a lovely little Asian too, I look forward to seeing her take the reins of her own future too =)

Anyway, I am at a pretty severe caffeine deficit and I think that is all I need to share for now.

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